critical 25

Two years. It has been two years since the last time I posted on this blog.

And if Ika Natassa could write her bestselling novel with title Critical Eleven, I’d only hope this post could get at least fourth the attention of it. I was just kidding. As I got older, it didn’t matter who would read or comment my post, because I did it for myself. I did it just to remind myself in the future that I might be so freaking genius or hilariously stupid back then. Lessons learned.

To be honest, I actually drafted some writing months ago and didn’t publish them. But hell, I was getting good at writing and it was too late to post them so I would be just pleased to store them in my archive. What I was trying to say here was…I didn’t abandon my blog completely. So, let’s move on?

Why critical 25? Because I was 25 now, a quarter of life, people said. Was it frightening? Uhm, not really. I didn’t even realize the BIG 25 was coming. But when I took some time to think, what have I accomplished at this age? What have I done and going to do? What’s the purpose I have lived? Did it change? Would it change? So many questions I didn’t have the answers, I became wary and slowly it ate me I was in fear. Fear that I would make mistakes I couldn’t fix them. Fear I chose the wrong path I couldn’t go back. Fear I couldn’t love because there was no one could make me feel.

But was it critical? Maybe yes, and maybe no.  For some, it was critical when they were 30, for others it was critical when they were 40. Bottom line, it differed. And maybe it was critical every single year for me. You decide. I decide.

2015 had been a great year for me. I went places, not all over the world, not even fourth of the world, but I had enough reason for me to keep traveling. To go places, to see new people, to experience a different culture, to learn the history, and what’s important to have a reason to be grateful. Not that I was saying you have to go traveling just to be grateful. No. What I meant, when you go traveling and see the world from different perspective, you can or can not change your mind, nonetheless, you know that your life is not just a nutshell. That being said, I would not stop in 2015 as a year I went to places, I would keep going.

Looking what I have done in 2015, I was not in fear anymore. I did have some regrets. If I could go back time, I would change  a few things. But anyway, that wouldn’t make me who I was today. So I would just suck it up. I didn’t fear the mistakes I made, because then I learned how to do things right. I didn’t fear the path I have chosen, because now I knew I could just stop and make a turn along the way. I didn’t fear I couldn’t love, because I have found it and it made me feel.

And let’s see… maybe when I turn 26, I will tell you different stories. Only God knows.

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