I should have been married…by now.

According to 14-year-old Clara, I should have been married by now. Or, should have been planning on my wedding with my significant other.

Funny, isn’t it? When you were kids and dreamed things big and perfect, the adult version of you just proved it all wrong. And here I am. Older and obviously an adult, proved my childish dreams silly. Silly or not, I was glad I dreamed a dream. But I never plan to stop to. Don’t blame this little girl try to prove herself right.

Ehm…little girl? Guess 23 year old can be considered as grown woman, yes? Darn it. I am a grown woman. Just a few hours ago I fidgeted in my sleep, wondering when would my best friends come and give me a surprise. Too much confidence, huh? But believe me, it’s tradition. So yes, I practically prepared myself, either they came right in the midnight or they came late at night. It’s always like that. So much for a grown woman to sleep restlessly because of her own birthday surprise. Geez, I felt silly. But what was sillier was the failed birthday surprise. I caught my beloved girls preparing the cake and present while I innocently walked down the stairs. They were instantly going statue and quiet when I bid them hi. Super funny! Their faces were priceless. If I could freeze the moment, I would do it and bottle their faces so I could watch it every time I was unhappy (Peace out. You know I love you all.)

23rd

Anyway, as I expected, birthday greetings were less and less and less as I got older. No one to blame. I pretty much hoped that my family, best friends and closest friends at least remember it. No need for cakes or presents. Be careful what you wish for.

Let’s get back to the title above. Oh yes, I should have worn my engagement ring and circled my calender on my supposed-to-be wedding date. Twenty-three was the ripe age of marriage! If I had a chance to use time machine and go back to 14-year-old Clara, I would kindly say to her, “Don’t get your hopes up, girl. Being 23 and still single are perfectly fine. Early marriage doesn’t suit you. You’re childlike, even when you’re married at 27 or 28, you’re always like 23 year old bride. Take it easy, okay? Keep doing those things you’re best at: read & eat.” And I can imagine 14-year-old Clara would kick me in the shin right after I said the last word. Such a dream destroyer.

Even though it was quite clear by now that I was not married, I even didn’t have a significant other, yet, but 23-year-old me was grateful for all things happened and done. And I’ll keep moving forward. You never know the potential inside less-than-5-feet-and-23-year-old grown woman. Who knows tomorrow I’ll be sitting next to CEO of multinational company talking about the weather? Who knows in months I’ll be travelling around the world with Phil Keoghan? Who knows in three years I’ll be attending my bestselling signing book along with other bestselling NYT authors? Or who knows in years you’ll be watching my wedding ceremony on TV because I’m married a powerful billionaire?

I know, I read too much romance. But anyone can dream, baby. Don’t wake me up.

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