a couple of months

Well, is there any of you looking for me? Or maybe wondering where have I been lately? Even more, any of you paste this ‘Missing Person’ news on local newspaper? No?

Seriously, no one looking for me? Curious what I’ve been doing? Or why am I hiatus? Any thought that by slightly chance, I might have been kidnapped by some aliens and never come back to earth but still can tweet because my twitter updates on the right side this blog keep updating? No one? Really?

Hahaha, yeah, it’s idiot post after I “runaway” for a couple of months. When I open my blog page, gosh, the last time I blog is when I updated my birthday post!

There are some reasons why I keep away from blog. I don’t care if you think “what the hell. why should I care about your life while my hands are already full with mine? get lost.” Haha, I don’t mind. If you don’t like it, just close the window or tab of this blog. Simple.

Sounds sarcastic? Hmm, I guess the more days you’ve spent, the more hardship you’ve experienced, you care less about those things. Hatred only will make you weaker instead of protecting your vulnerable self.

Then, shall I keep going? 🙂

Okay, this time, I post this without any serious concern, it’s just a reminder that, again, I’ve been through various things that made me feel various feelings as well.

  • I am just too naive. I guess in this semester, I weary myself too much. When it should have been a group assignment, I dare say that 80%, I did it myself. I was the busybody one. Even myself thought, “Hey, am I the only one who care about this? Why don’t you help me to make things easier?” But as I said, I am naive. I dare say that 80% was my work, but I didn’t dare to say to my other group member to help me lighten a piled of ASSignment. I was coward. In the end, I couldn’t blame them. I blamed myself.
  • The older I get, the lazier I become. Yeah, could care less anymore. I ask myself, “where is Clara, though she’s too loud, but she tried to pump her spirit by acting cheerful? where is she, while some times she’s down, she will get up in no time and find the reason why she has to?” Yeah, where is me? If I ask the police officer to find the missing me, will I find myself? If I typed my name on google map, will it show where I am? It is more like when you buy a cellphone, but there is no charger. That’s how I was. Or I am (?).
  • In some cases, I find myself is so lacked. Back then, I truly believe that I am a considerate person. But compare to others, I am the worst. Yeah, I feel bad at myself. Back then, I believe that I am really good at words. Then I realize, I am speechless and become the idiot who can’t find any words in comforting someone. I find myself clueless. What should I say? What should I do? The fact that I experienced things myself, but still, I just couldn’t come up with idea how to handle certain situations. I guess I now understand what people say about “Smart people won’t say them smart themselves.”
  • A couple months I was missing, I did feel happy and joyous feeling too. Surrounding by good friends, enjoying most time (after hectic semester) leisurely, spending some money for my own pleasure, getting closer to my big dream, and receiving lot of love from my friends, parents, and the ultimate one, God.

I guess those reasons generally explain that even in short time, I’ve been through many things which make me have mixed feeling. Somehow I feel down, really deep so I couldn’t tell it to anyone. Somehow I feel numb. Somehow I feel blessed. Am I really twenty one years old? Haha, don’t think so. That’s why I don’t want my feelings control me when I blog. I am the one who should control myself. Avoiding posts that may be will make me ashamed of myself in the future, so I chose to keep a distance. Though blogging is my only one escapee.

Well, I consider myself more controlled now, so I can freely to write again. Honestly, I miss my blog so much. It’s been a long time, nice to meet you again 🙂

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