Hi blog, it’s been ages! yeah, I have lot of hardships lately. I think 4 weeks lately were my hardest time in Jakarta. (Un)fortunately, I cried little. Just so you know, I’m kind of crybaby girl. But yeah, I cried few times. Seems like there is a big hole in me when I can’t share what I had in my blog. So, are you ready to hear my story?
March 25, 2011
I was robbed. Yeah, I wasn’t kidding. On that day, I slept at 00.03 AM. I opened my window that right next to the door. I remember that I already locked the door, but yes, I opened my window because it was so hot and fan couldn’t help it. I turned off the light and only turn on my bed lamp, I need a deep sleep, that’s why I did it. Suddenly at 03.24 AM, I woke up. I had no idea, but yes I woke up without reason. Then automatically, I saw the door. It opened. I, who just suddenly woke up and got confused, thought maybe I was so careless and forgot to lock the door. And maybe there was a wind that opened my door. Without any suspicious think, I got up and walked to the door. I wanted to make sure there is no one or no ghost, so I slided the curtain, there was nothing. Then without shut my window down, I closed the door and locked it. Thus, I slept. In the morning, I woke up at 6 AM because I had my morning class. When I opened my cupboard, I got slightly confused because there were things fell down from my book and bag shelf. I kept thinking positive and thought it was me who get those things messy. I put them straight to there were supposed to be. Then I went to college. I had a boring leadership class, then at 9 AM, I wanted to go to canteen. Before leaving the class, I checked my wallet to get some money. There was nothing left. I got more confused, I was so sure there was still money because the day before I just reimbursed my money. I thought about the opened door that dawn. But I kept thinking positive and thought that I just put the money in the wrong place. One reason that I just didn’t want to think negatively about those peculiar things was in my wallet there’s still my ATM. After class, I had an appointment with my friend to go to XL office and BCA offic to make some appointments (organization-related). My friend told me to call the secretary first. But I remember there was no Esia cellphone which I always use to make calls. I told my friend that I left the cellphone behind. My friend didn’t mind if we go back to my rent room. So, we go back to my rent room. And guess, there was no Esia cellphone in my room. I tried to call. But there was no connected beep. I had my friend to make a call whether I had my cellphone no pulse. I was so shocked when my friend said it was unactivated. Damn. I remember again about those peculiar things, especially the opened door at the dawn. I came back to my room and made sure if IT was none there. No hope, it was nothing in there. And that time, I thought that I WAS robbed. Then I went to my friend was, I said that I was robbed and because it was not mine, I said that I would compensate it. Then my friend asked if my laptop was in my room. I was frozen up. I left my laptop in my room, I didn’t bring it to the college. And I didn’t see it before I went to the college. My eyes got teary. It’s because what should I say to my parents that I was robbed and the laptop was gone? And it felt like the event went so slowly. I told about the robbery to the ladyland. I went to the police office o make a report. I went to college to report and find the serial number of my laptop in order to get investigation from the police. I called my mother. In college, the news about I was robbed spread out. I told them the story. And some of them told me that I was so strong and tough to not cry. Yeah, I cried when I just knew about my laptop was gone, but it only happened a while. I DID have no idea why I didn’t cry in front of them.
It was true that I was so in a deep sad, but I just couldn’t cry. I DID really want to cry eyes out, but I couldn’t. I tried to, really, but the tears just didn’t want to drop. And it gave me a reason to be thankful to God. Not everything we want is meant to be.
April 11, 2011
I was about to be robbed again. Yeah, it was traumatic experience. At 2.47 AM, my cellphone rang and when I saw the caller id, it was Uni Devi. My neighbor in rent room. When I picked it up, I suddenly whispered. She whispered too, she told me that she thought there was someone coming. I was frozen out. Again? Hell no, I wanted to cry but couldn’t. Then she told me to lock the door and window. I said to her that I was so scared. She had me to call the ladyland, I was so scared that I told her to call the ladyland herself. But she didn’t have the number. I agreed to call the ladyland. I called the ladyland twice, but there was no answer. I texted Uni Devi, I told her that I couldn’t reach the ladyland, and I was so scared. I had no idea what to do. When I just finished to send the text. I saw the shadow behind my door! That night I only turned on my bed lamp, so my room was barely visible. And I could see clearly the shadow behind my door. I completely frozen out. I could do nothing but seeing the shadow. I held my breath, I kept trying not to make some noise or move. It was completely creepy! When I heard that stranger unlocked my door, I thought I was about to die. Fortunately I already locked my window and door. When the stranger couldn’t open it, (s)he walked away because I saw the shadow behind my door was gone. I kept seeing my door, so scared if someone coming and try to unlocked my door again. I texted Uni Devi again and said that the stranger tried to unlocked my door. She told me to turn on the light and drag the heavy thing in front of my door. I did what she told me to. For two hours, I just saw my door! I was completely scared. Then almost at 5 AM, Uni Devi told me to have some sleep because it’s already the time to muslim shalat.
It was the CREEPIEST time of my life in Jakarta. Yeah, it’s one and half year I live here, and I think my life is so easy here. But no, I was wrong. You will understand if lately IS my hardship moment. And it is not just about I was robbed in March and was about to get robbed again in April, it is not. There are still many things that I should go through with hard. Really, it is hard. I just couldn’t make it on my own. I DO really want to cry out loud, but I CAN’T. It seems like God doesn’t want me to drop the tears. Yeah, it is such a heavy thing that I should carry on. But because the hardships I went through until this time, I always pray to Almighty God that He can’t leave me alone. I just want to live the life He arranged for me. Let Yours be done in my life. Amen.
For all of you, if you think that you’re in a deep shit and seems there is no one can help you out, calm down. When you have no one, there is always God. And when you already go through the hardship, you just will say to yourself “Ah, this is it. This is the feeling when things are settled down.” You just keep hanging on. Hanging on and be patient. I am still on my way through, I haven’t arrived to the finish. I just have to hang on. I just have to be patient. It will be so nice if everything happen in His time. Keep hanging on, friend. I know I can, and I know you can. 🙂