some things better left unspoken

Woah, I am stuck with my project. In the end, I am just good at writing my thoughts here. 😦 Such a pity, I know. Idea, come come come please.

Anyway, have you ever heard this quote: some things better left unspoken ? I read first this quote on Karla M. Nashar’s novel, Bellamore. Good book. I was interested to this quote. Because it happened in my life. What else? It had to be love life stuff.

Now, I will tell you about my story when I was in Junior High. I ever liked this guy. I liked him for a year. I know I didn’t like him as long as you liked someone. Even my sister ever liked her first love for more than eight years! Amazing, wasn’t it? Yeah, she was so into him long ago. But it was old story. Now she has new story. Okay, stop talking about my sister. It is my blog, isn’t it? Kekekeke 😀

For me, one year was such a long time to like someone. Until now, I never like a guy for this long. Maybe someday I will find a man whom I love forever. Hope so :). Back to the topic, so he stayed for long time in my head and heart. He was my senior. I was at second grade and he was third grade. We didn’t know each other. Maybe we only know our name, that’s it. But we never talked. Love is strange. I just realized that I started to watch him and wanted to know him more. I got  nervous when he walked toward me, though he walked to his friend who was near to me. I smiled myself when accidentally our eyes met. I cried when somehow he was like being cold in front of me. It was like my rotation was him. I only cared about him. I watched every little thing he did when we were at the same place. Take it easy, I was not a stalker. 🙂

One day, my friend found a picture of him in library. Without doubt, I took it from my friend and took it in my wallet. But I didn’t like him all the time. There was a time when he was being cold to me, I didn’t know what my mistake was, because we never talked! At that time, I would convince myself that I had to get over him from my life. At least from my heart. But you know, when I was so positive to forget him, somehow he just acted different. He looked at me a lot. And when his friends teased us, he would just smile. (yeah, his friends knew I liked him, and I thought all people in my Junior High knew I liked him. And yes, I would say that HE knew about this.)

It was just pull-push game. I got stuck in this situation for few months. Then, there were my friends who told me to forget him. It was no use I kept that feeling anymore. He was not too sensitive. He didn’t respond my feeling. He knew but he didn’t act properly so I could know what his feeling was. If he didn’t like me, I would make a distance from him so I couldn’t bother him. But if he liked me, just say it. In the end, I never knew. So, I was so bored and I listened to my friends’ advice. I tried to forget him as soon as possible. I arrived at school at the right time when bell was ringing. So I couldn’t see him when we, students, made rows before we came in to the class. I went home early so I couldn’t have a chance to meet him after class. I avoided him with many ways. I also tried to pretend deaf when I heard his name, that’s how I could forget him. I needed a month for getting over him. I succeeded with my own methods to forget him.

I chose to keep my feeling. I chose not to speak it up. I never regret that I didn’t tell him about what I felt long ago. And yes, that story is my thing which better left unspoken.

For you whom I liked so much when I was in Junior High, hope you have great life. We never meet since 4 years ago, but I wish you a long-healthy life. Thanks for all you’ve done. Maybe you didn’t realize it, but thank you. 🙂

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